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Archive for January, 2010

New Camera

So I got a new camera. I love it. She is beautiful. Yep, I called it a she. She is so awesome that she has taken on a personality. Ahhhh, just thinking about her and I start to daydream of all the future moments she will capture. I love the classic click of the camera and turning the lens to zoom in and focus. Yes, she is a sight. I can barely wait to see what happens when she teams up with Lightroom 2 *fingers crossed the UNL bookstore is still clearancing it out* I have had it for 30 some hours and here of some of my favorite pictures.

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two. more. days.

Then Conor will be home at night. I won’t have to face bedtime and nightmares alone. I won’t be the only one getting up in the morning or listening to him scream at night.

Ethan has become a completely different child since we took his binky away. He has lost all ability to self soothe. He wakes up 3-4 times in the middle of the night screaming…almost as if he is in pain. He clings only to me. He used to go to Conor, Katie or Kendall…no longer. He needs to be touching me to sleep, eat or play. Occasionally he will play by himself but suddenly he will be frustrated and chuck whatever he is playing with.

This change in temperment is scary and ridulous! I thought it was because he was sick and teething but I can’t deal with it any longer. When I went to Walgreens today, I almost bought another binky. Conor and I talked about it yesterday, if we could guarentee that our child would go back to his old self, we would give it back in a minute.

I don’t give a fuck what people would say if I did give it back. The stress level around Ethan is mounting, making the whole house tense. Conor feels helpless since the child pretends to hate him half the day. I am exhausted of toting around and listening to a pissed of toddler all day and then working with another toddler of an equally pissed off nature.

No matter how positive or relaxed I start the day, the evening brings a level of frustration I have never experienced.  I “think” things will be better when the stress of Comp is over and Conor will be home in the evenings. Or maybe I think things will be better since our family will be here and since they will want to spend time with Ethan, bedtime can slide a little. Perhaps he will be more exhausted than normal and crash out without a fight.

Who knows where all these randomly rambling are leading, perhaps I should just crash out early tonight. Its not like I have to do anything. Ethan is still hoarse so it’s not like we can go to Jazzercise or anything. I wouldn’t dare take him to a store, his fits would be just too much for me. At least we have work, the boys can scream together and maybe distract themselves with a train or two.

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Enough Already

I am so tired. I should be sleeping. In fact, I went to bed an hour ago and just couldn’t sleep. Other than the typical house stuff, I shouldn’t be too exhausted. Ethan slept for 10 hours last night, plenty of sleep for me!

The binky is still fighting to stick around. Of course, it can’t really ever come back. It is gone. Not gone to the cupboard. Not gone to the car glove box for “just in case”. Nope. It is in the big trash can. Actually, the “trash truck”, as Ethan likes to call it, took the trash away and the binky(s) are in the local dump. Ethan just keeps mentioning it fairly randomly. He wants it in the car mainly. We made the simple substitution of switching the binky for his Christmas black lab named Woof Woof. He loves Woof Woof but would really prefer a binky. Too bad buddy.

Ethan originally lost his binky at Ayden’s school so he kind of forced his way into becoming binky-less. This probably wasn’t the best week (if there is such a good week to piss off your kid for an entire week) because Conor has comp in 10 days! He took a final today, has one on Next Monday and Friday, then the big test on Tuesday the 19th. It means lots of extra hours of studying AND sleep. He passed todays test and now has enough points to graduate (Wahoo!!!) All he needs to do is pass comp and we can move on to the next phase…a 4 month hold. Whatever, as long as he is done with Powerschool I am one happy lady!

This week has seemed so long to me. Maybe it is because I went to work at 4am on Tuesday, maybe it is because this week I learned of 3 friend/family pregnancy’s AND the dog down the street is having puppies, maybe it is because it has been to cold to be play outside. No matter what the reason, this week is dragging on. I’m over it. Ready for a new week. In a few short day, Conors parents and my dad will be here. Who can be all crabby when family is visiting AND celebrating something so exciting? I will try my hardest not to be!

There I go with that damn optimism. I am confident it is just a tool I have acquired so I’m not so upset. I’m not really very optimistic tonight, I really don’t want to be. I don’t have to be all the time. This is my blog and I can say what I want to. I honestly am happy for each of my pregnant friends. I love each of the women dearly and already love the babies they are having. I can’t wait to cuddle them, love on them and watch them grow. I don’t need pity or feeling of sorrow. My only is sadness is that all but one of them were reluctant to tell me. There were no smiles on their faces when telling me news of such excitement. They should have been busting at the seems.

They were worried about me.

I am nothing to worry about, sure I am sad that I’m not pregnant. I am sick of thinking that every time I see a  new baby or get stuck in the pregnant sandwich at jazzercise (Haha!) that my day will soon come when I get the be the pregnant lady doing low impact or tucking my baby into his carseat. I am allowed and am sad sometimes but overall I think I am a thankful, happy, helpful friend. I don’t want my recent flooding of tears to make any of my friends not talk about the excitement and fearful times ahead of them. They know I will be right there to help them.

I am happy for them, just a little sad for me.

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Mary, Did You Know?

My dad made Ethan a manger for the Playmobil nativity play set.

Ethan (and I!!) really love it!

It is beautiful but I couldn’t help but wonder what Mary thought when a skier skied by…

or when the Kings brought Baby Jesus this basketball.

I’m sure she was pretty okay with it though.

On another manger related story: Ethan gave the Baby Jesus a marshmallow when we were walking past the big Nativity at Church this morning. I thought it was adorable and so did the lady behind me. She knew he had been wanting to walk up to see Baby Jesus pretty much the whole mass!

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